• Goels and Agarwals are Baniyas not Marwaris – know the difference. Why does the Baniya community prefer to marry within the community? Why do parents in the Baniya community usually get daughters married early? A Counsellor speaks about how relations with parents and siblings affects behaviour? Parents from Mumbai-Pune speak about their daughters. 

Ketan and fiancé Siya been in the headlines since the unfortunate demise of Ketan in mid-June. As per media reports Ketan was 26 and Siya was 20. 

Some took swipe at the Baniya community to which both belong, others blamed parents for getting daughter married, not knowing about her alleged boyfriend or not letting her go for higher education. A senior journalist, mother to a 20 something daughter wondered why Siya did not say a NO for this marriage if she was not keen.

Rather than focus on who killed Ketan, some are taking swipe at the community, early marriage and Baniya run businesses.

This article looks at matter from a social/community perspective. Courts to decide who the killer is!

Goels and Agarwals are part of the Baniya community, not Marwari. 

Today, the term Marwari is used for anyone from Rajasthan. Strictly speaking Marwari means only those coming from districts of Jodhpur, Jaisalmer, Bikaner, Nagaur, Pali, Jalore etc). The term Marwari is construed as all people hailing from Marwar.

However, when spoken about in the context of business it means those belonging to the business community and not people from the four varnas. Within Marwaris, the business community can broadly be divided into Maheshwaris, Oswal (Jains) and Agrawal (includes Guptas, an often heard surname).

Another commonly used term is Baniya. They are found in Rajasthan and Haryana. Marwaris business families are not Baniya but together they constitute the Vaishya (one of the four varnas) Samaj. That could be a reason why wedding within members of the Vaishya Samaj are common. Jains in Marwar could be Baniya or Rajput.  

Why does the Baniya community prefer to marry within the community?

This desire is not unique to Baniyas.

A Baniya says, “For the betterment of society, people were divided into broad categories based on their natural talent, interest and aptitude. These were the four varnas in the society of yore.

A person who would tire easily of highly intellectual labour or vigorous physical labour but was exceptional at understanding money, business and trade would take to business. This person also had the ability to connect with diverse kinds of people, could learn many languages, was not afraid to travel and willingly took calculated risks. These human traits belong to the varna of Vaish.

People preferred to marry within the varna but into a separate gotra so they were entering a household with similar ideas and yet a heterogeneous gene pool.

In Vaish varna emphasis was on following the dharma of creating wealth honestly through enterprise. Higher education was not necessary for this but apprenticeship, hard work and acumen were critical.

All this is from a time when education was not systematised. Today, any person with basic interest can learn to be anything from a doctor to an astronaut. 

Why do parents in the Baniya community get their daughters married early?

The baniya community, being by and large in business, prefer early weddings meaning early to mid 20’s and having kids early. This way the circle of family life is completed earlier and the elderly get their see their great-grand-children. There are biological benefits of having kids early but that topic is beyond the scope of this article.

Having said the above, times are changing. I know of urban baniya families who are educating their girls, many times abroad. Some include them in running the business.

Sometimes, girls get married early for a different reason. Here is a real life story. A Relationship Manager with a private bank, whose customer I was, suddenly vanished. Her colleagues told me she got married and left for the U.S. within weeks. On deeper inquiry, got to know that the attractive Riya, had made a boyfriend recently and the relationship was getting serious. When her parents got to know about it, they got her married, saat samundr paar, at the earliest

My guess, something similar happened with Siya. Her parents probably knew of the relationship and wanted her married before things got out of hand. Hence, entered Ketan, a fellow Baniya. They did not anticipate their daughter was so involved with the other boy that Ketan would no longer be on mother earth. It seems to indicate a criminal bent of mind.

Garima Gupta, a Counsellor says - “If Siya Goyal as a person is a whole circle, knowing that she is from a baniya caste is may be 2-5% slice. It offers some insight into her possible family life, upbringing and early childhood experiences. 

As a psychologist and happiness coach we always ask the client directly about their early experiences and relationships with parents and siblings because these details contribute to their nature, behaviour and choices. However, for people displaying a psychiatric disturbance the disease itself becomes the major reason for their thoughts and behaviours. It is my humble guess, based purely on information gathered through some news articles, that Siya has some diagnosable condition. I base the guess on two observations primarily, lack of guilt and shock after the first alleged unsuccessful attempt and second, lack of evident remorse during legal proceedings.”

We might hear of this when her lawyer starts arguing her case in court.

Views of two parents living in Mumbai/Pune

SR’s daughter is 25 and a Chartered Accountant. He told me that he had guided his daughter to ask the right questions and make her own decisions. He has given his daughter some questions to check the compatibility of the boy with her. He will meet and approve or disapprove of the boy but eventually it is the daughter’s decision. 

I asked a 50 something friend, what if your daughter wanted to marry her boyfriend not a Bengali boy chosen by parents? The working mother replied, “Would be fine and prefer my daughter to marry a known boy of calibre and quality - irrespective of community. I have no preference for a Bengali boy-just a boy fit for my daughter and with right values and a decent, educated background.”

I guess the thoughts vary across communities. Educational background of family makes a difference.  

One thing is for sure. Men would prefer to meet their fiancées in restaurants and parks rather than forts, hill stations, beach or lake.

Hope the police investigates soon and Courts pass orders at the earliest. It should not drag on like the 2022 Aaftab Poonawala murder of live-in girlfriend, Shraddha Walkar. NDTV Shiv Aroor, recently did a good program on judicial delays. Such cases require quick investigation and conviction. Media could contribute by monitoring case status.