• A suicide is not always the result of a failed mind. Sometimes, the system needs fixing. What are the three B’s of suicide? Practical and holistic suggestions to change the mindset of parents, schools and society. 

Post the unfortunate suicide at IIT Bombay we shared A Vedic Psychologist on India's Student Suicides and Why CA students do not commit suicide – Editor 

In India, student suicides probably outnumber farmer suicides. The data is terrifying. Approximately thirty-eight students will die by suicide today. Any day. Every day. In India alone.

Consider the most recent case we have heard about - a second year student of IIT Bombay who tragically died by suicide in his hostel room.

During a talk at the Connecting Trust Suicide Prevention Conference at Pune in 2025 Dr. Shekhar Seshadri, child psychiatrist made a point we all must remember that every suicide is not the result of a failed mind. Sometimes, the system is what needs fixing. For example, a system that shames a child for low marks in a test.

Then there are unhelpful patterns of thinking that also lead to thoughts of suicide.

That is why different people will not experience the same situation as equally painful or unbearable. There are three thoughts that add to emotional pain -

Helplessness - I cannot change my situation,

Hopelessness - No one can help me,

Worthlessness - Everyone is better off without me.

Vaidehi, a suicide survivor at the Connecting Trust conference spoke of the three B’s of suicide. Unbearable pain, which may be physical or emotional, feeling that we don’t belong and feeling like a burden.

Finally, self-harm is more in people with other mental disabilities like depression, addiction, general anxiety disorder, impulse control disorder or mood disorders. Remember, only taking medicines for alleviating some symptoms is not enough to prevent self-harm.

A holistic approach is needed where a person feels a sense of connection, strong identity, purpose and self-worth in order to help them live a full life.

Myth Break: Suicide is not a sign of weakness. It is an extreme step taken in the face of extreme distress, caused by a combination of unfair systems and lack of (or feeling that there is a lack of) supportive and protective factors.

Recently, the Supreme Court gave guidelines to all educational institutions to make improvements with the goal of improving student mental wellbeing. One point that stood out for me in the July 2025 ruling was their emphasis on helping students develop a broader identity beyond test scores and ranks.

This is a highly relevant and easily actionable suggestion. All adults can contribute whether you are a parent, teacher, educator or not. Remember our childhood when random Aunties would only ask, “When is your exam? How are studies? What will you be when you grow up?” We can leave that behind and talk to children about their hobbies, take an interest in their passion and rejoice in their ability to be joyful for no reason.

Suggestions for Parents and Schools

For Dr. Seshadri’s point that systems need fixing, India’s higher education system definitely needs a lot of change. And I don’t mean changing the hostel fans or locking the terrace. I learnt a very interesting system for college admission in my work as IDP Education counsellor. Many popular colleges in Australia have an associated pathway college called an IIBT or International Institute of Business and Technology. 

For students who could not score well in class XII or do not meet entry criteria of the Bachelor’s degree program, they can enroll in the IIBT for a pathway. For 6 months to 2 years (depending on how much they need to learn) they can study here to gain the prerequisite knowledge and mastery. They then qualify to do the undergraduate program of their liking. In the UK too, my friend talked about the various pathways to joining an engineering or a medical degree. We can take inspiration from these systems to find a way that works for India. Professor V. Ramgopal Rao, former Director of IIT Delhi and current VC of BITS Pilani in a recent interview proposed a flexible engineering program for students to allow them to take up to 5 years to complete the requirements.

Essentially, caste-based reservations solve one problem, that of equitable opportunity. However, by design, children of various academic levels co-study in the same classroom and experience similar pressures. This creates a new problem for a student who has not experienced such rigor before. The expectations are high and the shame may be too painful.

Giving any student the chance to learn more slowly (and thoroughly) through pathway programs or flexible degrees is the most humane way to educate our youth. We can also give academic credits to people for a similar degree completed, like BSc or Nursing and work experience to provide lateral entries to courses like engineering or medicine.

Next, we must address society’s obsession with engineering and medicine as the only worthy choices for bright students.

In my school days, nosy neighbours would ask, “Medical or non-medical?” as if it were a proxy for how smart you really were. Dropping science carried a definite stigma. I was caught in this mindset too. I took Biology and Maths until Class 12, only to realise that my passion was psychology. My school science teachers were disappointed: I was “so bright,” they said. This needs to change at the school level. 

India offers rewarding careers across fields that were unimaginable a generation ago. Imagine schools regularly inviting professional RJs, chefs, sportspeople, influencers, designers or organic farmers to share their journeys. Seeing their passion, purpose and prosperity firsthand could help parents and students understand that success has many paths. Read  What is Svadharma

What about the unhelpful thought patterns, also called cognitive distortions in psychology? According to Irina Ungureanu, a trauma-informed therapist, we need a shift from the head to the heart. 

Here is how parents and schools can help children.

Parents

Take parenting courses or read books to become aware of your own prejudices. Notice unhelpful patterns in your own thinking and your child’s. For example, if one thing goes wrong do you believe everything is lost? What is your attitude to failure, a necessary step towards success or something shameful? 

Inoculate your child against society’s biases too. Let them know that some people may still equate marks with worth but someone’s belief does not make it true. 

Always appreciate the child’s effort. As is said in the Bhagvad Gita, we only have right over our efforts, not the results. Protect and support them if they feel shame. Also, don’t discuss success much either. You are proud of their hard work and good attitudes. Sometimes this leads to success. Be happy either way. 

For students there are many sources of pressure, their school, teachers, friends, coaching and within themselves. If parents are always pleased, i.e. is a huge relief.

Schools

We need age-appropriate psychoeducation that helps children stay grounded and challenges the idea that money, power or influence are the ultimate measures of success. Instead, let us help them value simpler, healthier measures: do good, be happy, and leave your corner of the world a little better. Just as importantly, schools must build systems where children cannot be publicly shamed or humiliated. Shame is not a discipline method; it is harm. Here the role of teachers is immeasurable. Countless students were saved by the kindness of a teacher. When a teacher forms a genuine heart-to-heart connection with a child in distress, they create a protective shield around the child.

Conclusion

We must not remove every struggle from a young person’s life. But we can build systems where failure is not shameful, where identity is bigger than marks, and where asking for help is met with connection. 

Our academic systems can be more flexible. Our dinner tables, classrooms and playgrounds can become protective spaces when we live with more heart.

Author Garima Gupta is a Pune based Counsellor, Wellness Coach and Author.

Also read

1. What is Svadharma

2. What we continue to miss in IIT suicides

3. Seminar on Yoga and Mental Health

4. How Yoga can help you manage Stress

5. Yoga based practices to boost Memory by Dr Natesh Babu of S-Vyasa University

6. Why Bhagavad Gita is a book on Human Psychology

7. Human Psychology and Personality Traits in Srimad Bhagvad-Gita: A Scientific Perspective

8. History of the word Dalit – There is no word like dalit in the Colonial Constitution.